I’m an ancestry.com buff.  I spend a lot of time tracing my roots and I’m very proud of where I came from even though some of the characters in my past would not necessary be people I would admire today.  My family immigrated to the American colonies.  That’s right, colonial times [1600-1700s].  They came from Britain, but most of my family had immigrated there from France, Germany, and Italy [think the Holy Roman Empire].  My American roots are strong, but I still recognize that my heritage belongs to Western Europe.

I had ancestors in the American Revolution and ancestors that fought on the losing side of the Civil War.  I’m also a bit of a history buff too.  Generally speaking, most countries do not celebrate wars that they lost.  With that said, I feel like I need to yell this part so forgive the all caps here, THE CONFEDERACY LOST. Not every Confederate soldier wanted to fight for this cause – I have an ancestor who deserted the Confederate army more than once [I know I would have LOVED him] because he didn’t want to fight.  I recognize that many of these soldiers were fighting because it was their home they were defending.  I get that and I’m not wanting to dishonor them.  The Civil War is a stain on our history, though.  It was ugly and not something of which we should be proud.

I really don’t understand people who want to celebrate the Confederacy.  It was war that ended a very long time ago but the only ones celebrating it are from the losing side.  I don’t celebrate sports losses.   Scholars will argue that the Civil War was fought on economic principles and states rights, but most Americans feel the war was about slavery.  SLAVERY WAS BAD.  Slavery was horrible.  It was the culture of the time, but that doesn’t make it right. 

Robert E. Lee was a great general.  He had a distinguished military career before the Civil War and was offered a position of general in the Union army.  He chose to fight for his home state even though his personal letters imply that he was opposed to slavery.  Choosing to fight against his country was technically treason.  Lee had many admirable qualities but he became a traitor to the USA when he donned the gray uniform. 

So why do people erect statues of him?  He LOST a war and he was a traitor.  People obsessed with the Confederacy seem to miss the point that the Confederacy lost.  If they were truly obsessed with history then they would know this.  They would also know that many of these statues were built in the 20th century during the Civil Rights Movement – and we can certainly infer what the purpose of building these statues was. There are people who celebrate the South who aren’t racist, white supremacists, but if we are all honest here most of the people sporting Confederate Flag are racist, white supremacists.  In other words, they are the dishonorable dregs of our society.

I have a message for the white supremacist out there [though I do doubt anyone reading my blog falls in this category].  You, neo-Nazis are pathetic.  You are a low life.  Scum.  You are the people who say immigrants should go back to where they came from.  I’ve got news for you, Nazi, unless you are related to Pocahontas or Sitting Bull, then you have immigrant roots yourself.  If you want to celebrate the losing side of the Civil War, then you are delusional.  We Americans need to stand up to you and say not in my country!  We Americans need to call you out for your despicable behavior.  We’re not going to take it anymore!  America is a place that welcomes all skin colors, all religions, all genders. If that doesn’t appeal to you, Racist, then perhaps the USA isn’t the country for you. Perhaps if you don’t like it, you can trace your ancestry and go back to where your family came from.

Our country needs to come together, and people who live a life of HATE will never help us achieve the harmony our beautiful nation deserves.

This is another self-indulgent post.  I could barely sleep last night.  I spent yesterday watching recitals of little girls just to see my big girl perform.  Today, is her recital.  She has two shows, and the anticipation of closing this chapter is overwhelming.

I remember when Will played his last soccer game.  It was the last of his sports.  I didn’t know it would be his last game until the end, and it was when it was over that I realized I would never have those moments with him again.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried on the way home from that game, but even then, the enormity of saying good-bye to that part of motherhood didn’t seem quite real yet.

Now, though, he is an adult and our relationship is different, wonderful but different, so this enormity of losing this part of motherhood is much more real the second time around. 

As I watched the little ones come onto the stage yesterday in tutus bigger than they were, I wished I had been able to note when her last recital with that kind of costume had been.  It seems like forever since I’ve heard her whine about it itching while I thought it was so pretty and precious.  Those are the moments we don’t know to appreciate. 

So today, I am going to watch and enjoy.  I may shed a few tears with my fellow moms — there are so many of us this year.  Claire was in a large dance class of seniors and they have been together for so many years.  The theme of this year is “The Time of My Life,”  and I think these kids have experienced that together.  Our concerts have a dramatic piece, and Claire and her friend Bianca play the two friends that essentially narrate the show, that has a climax where Biana’s solo leads into a piece featuring all seven seniors that are still dancing [we’ve had an injury].  The show concludes with graduation.  It is so special that even with such a large class each of these seniors are still able to perform their solos and do their special piece.  I should proudly mention that they just learned the new piece last week — these kids are really rockstars!

My message that I wanted to share is this — for those of you with younger children, be present.  Sometimes you will be blessed to know when the “lasts” of your children are happening but many times you won’t.  If you are present, you will be blessed with the happy memories that will make days like the day we have today truly special.  Yes, I will shed tears, but they will be happy ones.  I am fiercely proud and have so many happy memories.  It’s time to move forward and turn the next page…

My move to Florida was an interesting one.  Twenty-two years ago, my husband was interviewing for promotions.  He had been advised that if he were to advance in his company that he would need to move.  We literally looked at a map and chose a radius for how far we were willing to move.  Tampa, was at the edge of our distance. 

During his interview process, we discovered that I was pregnant.  We were hoping to start a family after the move, but life works in mysterious ways and our little miracle happened sooner than expected.  In August, just as the school year was starting, John got an offer to move to Tampa and we began making plans.  We went to look for a place to live and signed a contract with a realtor to sell our home. 

John left for Tampa on Labor Day weekend 1995. I stayed in North Carolina.  It was brutal.  I was young, pregnant, and wanted to be with my husband.  However, because we were young and quite honestly poor at the time, John and I had each chose to have our medical insurance with our employers.  John was not changing companies, only positions, so if I left my job, I could not be insured.  I had a preexisting condition, my pregnancy.  I had to remain in North Carolina until open enrollment in January.  I worked until the start of the winter holidays, moved on Christmas Eve, and officially resigned on December 31 so I would remain insured until January 1.  My baby was born just eight weeks after I arrived.  I spent most of my pregnancy away from my husband and barely had enough time to meet the doctor who delivered my baby. 

With all of the talk of preexisting conditions in the news, I thought I would share my story.  Since then, I have always stayed on my husband’s insurance, not wanting to risk being separated again.  I thought then that it was ridiculous that I had to wait.  Bureaucratic red tape kept our family apart and made what should have been a happy time more difficult.  Because of the late term move, I was deemed a high-risk pregnancy and there were challenge’s with Will’s birth.

There was a reason why most people liked the preexisting conditions aspect of ACA coverage.  When we look at what conditions can be deemed preexisting now, it can be frightening because while coverage is still guaranteed, the cost can be raised. 

I don’t know the answer.  I don’t pretend to know the answer.  I know that what we have now isn’t working for everyone.  We are lucky now.  My doctors are constantly pointing out to me that I have a “Cadillac” insurance plan.  Twenty-two years ago, my husband and I were both hard working, and a move that we were making to better our finances could have been detrimental to us.  Luckily, I had a good friend that let me move in with her when my house sold so we didn’t have to try to have two mortgage/rent payments while trying to maintain health insurance.  My point is, we weren’t people who were lazy or trying to avoid healthcare cost.  There are a lot of people in working circumstances like us that have to make tough choices to provide healthcare.  I think of that baby I had nearly 22 years ago, being almost at the place we were then.  I hope it doesn’t have to be so hard for him. It just seems that it shouldn’t be so hard.

When John and I became host parents for Lukas, our exchange student from Switzerland, a few years ago, it was on a whim.  During the application process, one of the questions asked of us was what were our rules.  Honestly, it was the question that stumped us. 

If you know us and know our kids, that may or may not surprise you.  Our kids are pretty good.  They aren’t exactly kids now at nearly 21 and 18, but they have always been generally well mannered and well behaved, and well, we haven’t exactly had rules with them.  It wasn’t that we lived in a home absent of rules, we just had rules as they were necessary.  For example, when Will was a toddler, we made a rule that he couldn’t watch the Rugrats on television because I didn’t want him imitating the behavior on one of the characters who was bratty. 

That was our general approach to parenting, and well, I think we did ok.  I mean, Will is now an adult and he is in college on track to graduate on time and Claire is a senior in high school.  Both are doing really. 

I tend to deal with my classroom in the same way.  I don’t have a laundry list of rules for the students on the first day we just have an understanding that we will all treat each other with respect and if that isn’t working, I will step in and deal with situations as necessary.  It works for me.  It works for my students too. I can only think of a couple of students over the past 25 years who have thought I was unfair, but even with those students and parents I have maintained a positive working relationship.

I think that is my problem when we tackle problems with steadfast, set in stone, black and white solutions.  What works in one instance doesn’t always work in another. 

I know that when we are talking about problems that our government deals with, it is bigger than problems a parent faces or a teacher, but I do think we have to be reasonable.  I understand the fear that some have about terrorism. It is real.  However, the ban from the executive order, no matter what the intention, is not going to be effective.  It has, I believe impacted the wrong people the most.  It’s because when making the rule, when just looking at the black and white, the shades of grey weren’t considered at all, which is why we see the backlash, and why we will keep seeing the backlash.  Our leaders need to start thinking before acting, which brings me back to the best parenting lesson I ever had.

When Will was just three, I grounded him from the television for a week.  This, by the way, was always the best consequence for him.  However, I did not consult John, who used the tv as a babysitter while he got dressed in the mornings [I was already at work], nor did I think about how awful it would be to have to entertain him without the television for a week. Still, as parents, we followed through.  We made a 7 day chart and we stuck to our guns, BUT, I never again gave a quick consequence without considering how the consequence would impact the rest of us.  I’m hoping that if nothing else the backlash from protests, judges, and angry Congressional members will convince our leader to think twice before acting rashly again.  I know the job is hard, but it is too important for him to fail.

Today, I am struggling a bit.  In truth, I’ve struggled a bit for the past week knowing that the anniversary of the tragic deaths of a family that I knew was fast approaching.  When it was raw, I wrote a note on Facebook, and I’m going to share part of that here.  It’s not that I want to relive this moment, but it’s that I don’t want to forget.  Here is the excerpt:

…The daughter was so bright.  I remember her has being very quiet in class at the beginning of the year and then totally impressing me with her voice on the page when she wrote for me.  She was a student that I could count on to always “get it” when I presented a big idea.  She had beautiful, shiny eyes and a lovely smile.  She was in the same section as my daughter and the girls in that class had to stick together because I had a lot of lively boys that loved to talk about war.  

The son had a much deeper impact on me as a teacher.  There was a time a few years ago when I was only teaching part time and coordinating our IB program part time.  He was in my son’s class the year I taught my son.  He was also on my forensics team, and he was a big winner for me.  His eighth grade year was a tough year for me personally, and I have trouble remembering parts of that year.  However, one moment from my writing extension class keeps coming back to me.  We were drafting research papers, and I sat down next to this young man to help him.  He was really struggling with the task of getting his outline to his draft without it looking like a list of facts.  As I sat down next to him, I told him not to read the list, but to tell me about it.  After he did, I told him to write what he told me.  A big smile came on his face and he did just that.  When he turned in his rough draft to me, I was so proud of him.  I also felt a pang in my heart.  I wanted more moments like that.  I knew that teaching was my true calling, not coordinating a program.  That was the moment that I started making my way back to the classroom full time.  Because of this young man, I became a better teacher…

Being a teacher is such an important part of who I am.  Sometimes, I don’t always appreciate that.  This time of year, when spring fever is running rampant, and I dream of summer vacation, I sometimes forget how important teaching is to me.  It is so much more than a job.  I will say, that if not for the boy mentioned above, I’m not sure that I would be teaching today.  I was, at the time, on a path in education that was leading me out of the classroom.  I will be forever grateful for this angel leading me back during his time on Earth.

I remember him today.  I remember his beautiful sister.  And I will remember both them every May 7 for the rest of my life.

One of my favorite things to do between Thanksgiving and Christmas is to listen to Christmas music on the radio.  One of my favorite tunes is from the 1942 film Holiday Inn; it’s titled “Happy Holidays” and this song is credited with the popularity of the phrase “Happy Holidays.”

This song is from 1942.

Of course, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and the PC combatants are lighting up my Facebook feed with their broadcasts about how they hate political correctness and that they will say “Merry Christmas and if you don’t like it then…”well, you can guess the rest.

Why does everything have to be a controversy?

The current usage of “political correctness” or PC didn’t start until the 1990s, but really took off in the 2000s.  That’s 50 – 60 years after the term Happy Holidays was first coined, which just shows that saying Happy Holidays isn’t an anti-Christian meant solely to promote political correctness.

Maybe, however, PC stands for more than political correctness.  Maybe it stands for Politely Caring, or Positively Compassionate.  What is wrong with those ideas?  

When I first moved to Florida, I met my first Jewish friend.  I had never thought about saying Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or whatever before meeting her.  I have to say, that I was raised Christian and consider myself a Christian, but my Jewish friend is one of the best people I know.  Her character is exemplary.  If more people had her morals, the world would be a better place. With that said, since meeting her and countless other wonderful people of different faiths, I have proudly said Happy Holidays, especially to people that I don’t know.  I want to be polite.  I want to wish people happiness.  I don’t want to assume that anyone’s faith is the same as mine, and I know that saying a generic holiday phrase hurts my faith in any way. 

I am, quite frankly, offended by Christians who are offended by people who wish them a happy holiday.  If you are offended, ask yourself what is wrong with you?  These folks are trying to be polite, compassionate, positive, and caring.  How do they know that you are a Christian?  Happy holidays fits everyone.  

I saw this picture on my Facebook feed today, and it perfectly sums up this situation.  It’s originally from this site:  http://www.joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/holiday-greeting-flowchart.jpg

I love the line on this flow chart that says that “if you can’t see past the words of the wish to its good intent, then it’s not the holiday well-wisher that is broken, it’s you.”

…just something to think about!